Sunday 14 February 2010

I dream of Rexburg!?

Oddly enough I find myself longing for the small little city known as Rexburg.  I think I may be looking for a little bit of security as right now I really am not feeling it.  While Laura and I didn't have tons of dispensable income we had enough money that if anything came up we could take care of it.  Right now I feel on the brink.  Not only was everything cheaper there in Rexburg I was near family (blood relatives and dear friends I consider family) now I feel a bit adrift.  I sometimes wonder if this is really what I want to be doing with my life.  Could someone please build an alternate reality machine where I am able to view possible outcomes of my life had certain variables been different?  I think it would be really handy and perhaps we all would be able to make better personal life choices.  I see some of my high school friends who went into the computer industry, like I had thought about doing, working and moving on with life in general.  I feel stuck.  I keep spending money I don't have and still need to come up with more money to pay for my education without knowing where to find it.

Laura and I need health insurance but I have no idea where the money is going to be coming from for that.  Everybody wants my money that I don't have, including myself.  Don't get me wrong I don't expect it to get much different after I start working as a chiropractor.  I know people are still going to be after my money but at least I will be making money to give away to people.  I get student loans equivalent to just under most starting yearly income jobs.  Needless to say it has me panicked.

What a gloomy post.  Happy Valentines Day Jonny Rain Cloud.  No cake, No ice cream.

Well I feel much better after venting that.  Hopefully all you readers (I'm not delusional, I'm pretty sure there is only a handful) aren't bummed by my depressed post.  I find it odd though that by mearly writing about it, where anyone could be reading, that I feel much  better having gotten it off my chest. I spoke to Laura about it yesterday but when I saw Rexburg on Google Earth it all came flooding back to me.  From the very first winter there I was so ready to be leaving the middle of no-where.  Four and a half years went by so quickly and now I wish I could be there once more, just a little longer.  Of course there must come a time when we must stop the wishing or risk wishing our life away.  Lesson learned: Enjoy the time you have today (why didn't I buy into that one earlier?).

1 comments:

Lindsay said...

this IS a gloomy post!!! sheesh... it's so true though.. when i moved to Utah 8 years ago i BAWLED. i was devastated and HATED it... then fast forward to TODAY, living in San Francisco, debatibly one of the most beautiful cities in the US and now i'm longing for crazy little West Jordan. *sigh* and as for feeling stuck... i think it's just part of being in school. at some point i think your brain says, "screw this!" and you have to keep remembering that better days will come. hang in there bud.